Yawn...Stretch

Headline: Couple Sues Google Over "Street View"

According to the Borings, they purchased their Oakridge Lane home in late-2006 for "a considerable sum of money," noting that a "major component of their purchase decision was a desire for privacy."

They're just pissed off that their last name is Boring. Can you imagine the comments those people must've received because of that? The torment would begin as soon as introductions were made. Hi, I'm Mr. Boring. No doubt, it was downhill from then on.

That's the cause of their mental suffering, not the picture of their house. How many times have they heard these responses?

No, actually, I don't have time to see your Boring family vacation slides. I'd rather watch a 24-hour marathon of Joanie Loves Chachi.

Um, I'd love to attend your Boring Christmas party, but I have a last-minute root canal that I need to take care of.

If I were the wife, I'd have one of those hyphenated names just so I wouldn't be completely associated with such a Boring last name.

Unless her maiden name was Schitzalot, then I can see how Boring would be a step up.

But to step up and sue Google is a stretch. I don't know if they'll win, but I'm sure it'll bring a little excitement to their otherwise boring lives.

A Fateful Trip, Indeed

Headline: Gilligan Island's Dawn Wells arrested

A surprise birthday for actor Dawn Wells, best known as Mary Ann on Gilligan's Island, ended with the actor being caught with marijuana in her car driving home.

Looks like the Skipper wasn't the only one who had a little bud on that island.

I guess they'll have to change her character's name from Mary Ann to Mary Jane from now on. Which could explain the raging appetite for coconut creme pies.

Luckily, she only has to deal with 6 months of probation instead of jail. I'm sure it would be too traumatic for her to relive the whole no phone, no lights, no motor cars, not a single luxury thing all over again.

Obviously, the buzz from that Honey Bee episode is where it all began.

Tragic when you think of it really, how she lived her life as a castaway only to cast away her life.

But seriously though, what does it take to rescue this friggin' woman?!?

Once a maroon, always marooned.

Grams for Grams

Headline: Grandma Allegedly Hides Cocaine in Bra

Broward County authorities said a grandmother was arrested for hiding cocaine in her bra during a drug raid in Oakland Park.

A police spokesman stated it was the biggest drug bust they had ever seen.

A Loss of Rites

Headline: Inmate Says He Needs Thor's Hammer, Drum

An inmate is suing the Utah Department of Corrections for denying him his right to practice an ancient Nordic religion while behind bars.

As long as he is in prison, I fear the only thing he'll end up with is a Thor ass.

Lawsuit and Thai

Headline: Viagra Pumps Up Thai Political Race

BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) -- Vote-buying is an old practice in Thai politics, but one candidate for December's Thai election has reportedly come up with a new tactic — handing out Viagra instead of cash.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the erection results are in...

Well, that's one way to track voter polls. Speaking of, I'd be afraid of the voting booth. Will they use a polling station or just some out-of-the-way gas station?

Certainly gives new meaning to casting your vote. Which leads me to believe chad won't be the only pregnant thing they'll have to worry about.

But even if he does go to trial, he can almost bank on a hung jury.

Reach for the Sky, Mister!

Headline: Geronimo's rifle, Wyatt Earp's shotgun auction

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - A Springfield rifle owned by the famed Apache warrior Geronimo fetched $100,000 during an auction of Wild West guns and weapons that brought in more than $1 million.


I wonder how an auction of this type would work. Would you raise your hand when you wanted to bid on an item, or would you just shoot a whiskey bottle off of the bar?

I would imagine for Custer's saber, one would just have to wave a white flag.

Hopefully, it was a silent auction. God only knows how irritating it would be to hear a roomful of people yelling Geronimo every 3 seconds.

It's pretty cool, though, that those Wild West guns collected more than a million dollars. I would imagine the last time that happened, train/bank robberies were involved.

No, No, No...

Headline: Mammoth Hair Yields Ancient DNA, Study Says

The thick coats of shaggy hair that kept woolly mammoths warm on the icy tundra have yielded enough intact DNA to sequence their genomes, a new study reports.

I wonder what they'd find stashed in her mammoth hair.